And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
