My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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