she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
i believe in u and ur pee
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Panties = found
Randomize
