Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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