speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Randomize
