If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
