So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
