Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize
