you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Randomize
