My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
Pregnant stripper...not hot.
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
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