I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
I wish they made helmets for livers.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
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