I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize