it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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