youre lurking in front of me
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
