Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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