I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
