Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Randomize
