when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Randomize
