The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
Randomize
