Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
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