Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
