i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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