I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
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