Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
