Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
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