bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Randomize
