Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Randomize
