I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Randomize