I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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