Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Text me some of your sweat
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Randomize
