When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Randomize