he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
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