Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
