my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Randomize
