Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
whose parrot is this?
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
