All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
