with your own penis?
I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
This couple is walking their pig around campus
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