no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
