The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
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