Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Randomize
