i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Randomize
