Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
