he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
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