we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
