She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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