Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
