her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
