i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
