I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
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