Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I'm way too hungover for life right now
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
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