My boss' voice literally gives me gas
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
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