I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
