what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
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