The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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