I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
