And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize