Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
