The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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