How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Randomize
