Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
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