Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
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