We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Randomize
