Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Randomize
