in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
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