You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Randomize
