At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
