hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
