Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
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