I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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