Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Randomize
