hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
Randomize
