i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
I did not marry a roomba.
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