After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
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