how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Randomize
