I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
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