awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
Randomize
