Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
This is the prime rib incident all over again
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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