Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
