So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Randomize
