I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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