my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
