I'm going to jail i love you
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Randomize
