Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
He felt like a one man threesome
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Randomize
