Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
