Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Randomize
