I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
