I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
mondays should just be called national damage control day
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
