We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
