I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Randomize
