this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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