i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
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