Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Randomize
