your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
