he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
