i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
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