It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Randomize
