Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
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