You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
