Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Randomize
