Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Randomize
