Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize
