im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Randomize
