1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Randomize
