Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
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