Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
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