So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
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